Roughly once every three months, we meet as a group of girls for a clothes swap. It’s a great way to clear out your wardrobe of unwanted items and spend a fun evening doing a little fashion show. Nights like these are always filled with laughter, chatter, and soul-nourishing snacks.

We felt it was time to do it again. We set a date, and around eight people confirmed their attendance, plus our beautiful hostess, who always puts her heart into preparing a space for us at her flat.

I was particularly excited about this swap because I’d recently gone through a massive wardrobe clear-out and wanted to find new loving owners for my well-worn but unwanted clothes. Just as I was almost ready to leave the house, my phone began pinging with message after message in our group chat. I quickly scanned through the flood of messages only to discover that too many people had cancelled, and our host had lost her enthusiasm for running the event.

I understood her frustration.

It’s disheartening when people cancel at the last minute, assuming their absence won’t make a difference. Personally, when I commit to something, I do my best to show up, and if I truly can’t make it, I give plenty of notice.

Nevertheless, there were still three of us who wanted to hang out—even just to have a girly chat and enjoy each other’s company mid-week.

I even suggested we could meet at mine. While the other girls were totally up for it, the hostess said she’d lost her mood and called it all off. I encouraged her to join us, saying it would be lovely to see her, but she went quiet.

The three of us met anyway, and we had a wonderful evening together. I even gave away a few items from my wardrobe.

But it got me thinking.

• Why do we give so much attention to the people who disappoint us and ignore those who are there? 

• Why do the ones who disrespect our time and energy occupy space in our heads, while those who love and care for us are left in the dark? 

• Why do we focus on lack rather than abundance? 

• Why do we focus on those who are absent, not those who are present? 

• And for the love of God, why do we let others ruin our mood?

And right then, I remembered when I used to do that too.

Once, when I was in a toxic relationship, if he cancelled last minute or didn’t show up as expected, my whole evening was ruined. I couldn’t give my attention to the friends who were there. My mind would ruminate: why didn’t he come? What was he doing? Why did he choose other people or things over me? I’d sit there moody and on edge, while life was happening around me—I was stuck in my head, feeling rejected, unimportant, and insignificant.

Another time was when I was running in-person networking events. They started as free-ticket gatherings. But after a few occasions where people didn’t show up without notice, I had to make it a paid event sooner than I’d planned. Still, people sometimes cancelled at the last moment, and I’d wonder whether hosting an event for just a few people even made sense. That’s when something shifted.

I realised that instead of appreciating and giving my full attention to the people who did show up and made the effort to be there, I was obsessing over the ones who didn’t—and almost made the whole event feel insignificant.

I had to give myself a prep talk, which led to a profound shift in thinking: it’s not the absent ones running the show—it’s those who are here with me. It’s not about the number of people, but the quality and intention behind their presence. It’s my choice where I place my focus: am I in the room with those who showed up, or stuck in my head letting those who didn’t appreciate my energy live rent-free?

Of course, I understand that life happens, and sometimes we have no choice but to cancel. But let’s be honest—how many times have we thought, “My presence doesn’t matter. If I cancel, it won’t change anything. No one will notice”?

I’m guilty of that too, I won’t lie. But only once I started running my own events did I truly understand the importance of showing up and sticking to commitments.

Your presence matters, even if you think it doesn’t.

So I urge you to ask yourself: how many times have you cancelled or not shown up because you thought it didn’t matter?

And if you’ve ever hosted an event and people didn’t show up as expected, how many times did you want to throw in the towel, giving too much importance to those who didn’t value the time and effort you put into organising it?

Respect is everything

We really do need to respect each other’s time more. In fact, we need to respect each other in general.

Respect the host who puts effort into organising an event—even if it’s free.

Respect the people who turned up. Give them your full attention.

Respect yourself—don’t let others ruin your mood or live rent-free in your mind.

It’s an old, simple rule, but still valid:

Treat others as you’d like to be treated, and the world truly will be a better place.